From Lip Service to Leadership

I see it. You see it. Our male colleagues popping out of the woodwork to be allies of our movement. While I do not and will not ever be a critic of good intentions, the current trend is becoming more painful than standing in line at Rock ‘n Sushi on Saturday night in four-inch heels.

It's all so well meaning.

But why do I wince every time a dark-suited ally starts talking about the glorious and brave transcendence of our movement in a packed banquet hall over the dried chicken supreme? Me sitting respectfully nodding as if it’s not completely asinine in 101 ways. Tell me what this “movement” is. Being paid the same? Spoken to respect? Judged less? I don’t even think said Suit knows. He has a list of talking points and fancy big OEM representation. His sheer presence is sufficient.

Or is it?

Can we speak honestly about what has to happen versus what has to be said? I’m bored with faux representation. Where is the language that is required behind the façade of DEI boards that have been set up to check boxes? Where are the additional services to actually teach that language? Where are the programs (with teeth) to bring women forward without guilt, Imposter Syndrome, or fear of backlash?

Thank you for providing a few more female-centric benefits on the insurance plan. (Insert sarcasm)

Are we, ladies, the problem? Have we created such a rabbit hole of fear and recrimination that we can’t have the hard conversation?

The language needs to be honest. And twofold:

“You’re right. You are getting paid less.”

“Yes. We’ve been shortsighted.”

“I’m sorry.”

Then action.

Until we take a demolition ball to the wall of side stepping and accountability, we will not permanently shatter the glass ceiling of oppression and opportunity. The entire structure must be imploded. Not just a nice roof politely put back on (yes, I noticed) after we put a few cracks in it.

We keep talking about a glass ceiling… anyone else notice that it never seems to break? Is it made of titanium? Or is it that while we aren’t looking, well-meaning “allies” replace it and so we are in constant start over mode?

Forget the ceiling.

We need to implode the whole damn building. And it's not happening without the men who helped build the structure around us in the first place. I think the trap is the thinking. That we have been tricked into believing that there is some kind of super human structure that we must get through to be accepted and seen as successful. An unseen and unclear barometer of success.

How about we start there.

Allies – how about showing that there is nothing to “get through” to be successful. We’re here. That’s it. My success is defined by me. Not you. Not society. Not the Federal Reserve. Me.

If I’m on a construction site in boots covered in mud, paid the SAME or more than the guy slogging it out beside me – that’s success? Only if I say it is.

If I’m in a boardroom giving a presentation that was previously given by a legacy of men – that’s success? Only if I say it is.

If you don’t know what the measure is, how will you ever know if you hit it?

The glass ceiling was coined in the late 70’s. Its intent was to highlight ignored issues that historically kept women from occupying positions of authority. It’s been a rallying cry ever since by women and a replaceable movable measure to ensure we stay visible and apart by men. Either way, honest opinion is that it's antiquated.

If you’re still living in the house built in the 1970’s, you might need to renovate.

Do you usually start with the ceiling? Seems weird.

Let’s begin with honest conversation. And end with blowing up any barometer that would put us against each other.

If you aren’t going to help get to an honest solution, step aside.

Botox is already on the menu, we don’t need your lip service.