The Art of Unlearning: Ending the "Emotional" Label

Daryl-Ann Estill discusses the "overlooked potential effect," the myth of the "emotional woman," and how to drive systemic change in construction.

In this sixth episode of Conversations with MOXY, host Natasha Ozybko talks with Daryl-Ann Estill, a Project Manager at TD Industries and a powerful advocate for women in construction. The discussion focuses on deconstructing the harmful stereotypes that pigeonhole women as "too emotional" and explores the "art of unlearning" systemic biases that hinder career progression in the infrastructure space.

Shattering the "Emotional" Label

Daryl-Ann Estill’s contribution to MOXY began with a viral article titled "Cut the Women Are Emotional Label, Please.". In the episode, she emphasizes that women are often labeled as "sensitive," "aggressive," or "difficult to lead" regardless of their actual performance. Estill counters this narrative with both personal experience and scientific data. She notes that while she has never cussed someone out or thrown a hard hat in anger—behaviors frequently exhibited by men on-site—she is the one saddled with the "emotional" tag.

To support her point, she cites University of Michigan research showing that men’s and women’s emotions fluctuate to the same extent; they simply have different societal "permissions" for how those emotions are expressed. Estill argues that the perpetuation of these labels is not "funny" or "cute" sarcasm; it is active damage that strips women of "street credit" and leadership opportunities.

The Art of Unlearning

A central theme of the conversation is the "Art of Unlearning.". Estill posits that both men and women are societally conditioned from childhood—symbolized by the "Barbie vs. Truck" dichotomy—to accept certain gender roles. She argues that unlearning these internalized biases is a specific skill set essential for modern leadership.

• For Women: Unlearning means stopping the habit of "playing small," refusing to be the default note-taker or office "maid," and learning to "brag better" about their accomplishments.

• For Men: Unlearning involves recognizing "death by paper cuts"—the small, daily interactions that exclude women—and moving from individual mentorship to active sponsorship.

The Overlooked Potential Effect

Estill introduces a critical concept for senior leadership: The Overlooked Potential Effect. Research suggests a systemic bias in how promotions are handled:

• Men are often promoted based on leadership potential (unrealized skills).

• Women are typically promoted only after they have demonstrated leadership (proven performance).

This disparity creates a "leadership gap" that mirrors the "gender pay gap". Estill challenges leaders to stop assuming women are "happy where they are" and instead start asking the hard questions about why their leadership pipeline is stalling.

Advocacy as a Business Imperative

The discussion frames gender equity not just as a human rights issue, but as a survival strategy for the industry. With a chronic labor shortage, Estill warns that "industries will die" if they do not change systemically to retain the 50% of the population they have historically ignored or mistreated.

She emphasizes that high-performing women often leave not because they can't do the work, but because they are "pushed out" by middle management that feels threatened by their ability to "raise the bar.". For Estill, a safe work environment must include psychological safety, where women can contribute to safety conversations without being interrupted or dismissed.

Conclusion: Systemic vs. Individual

Estill concludes by urging senior leaders to stop viewing diversity as an "individual" issue and start viewing it as a "systemic" one. While individuals should strive for the "art of unlearning," senior leaders hold the power over policy, hiring, and the "purse strings.". By shoring up systemic holes such as enforcing mandatory cultural competency training and creating spaces for flexible work, leaders can move the needle from surface-level inclusion to true industry transformation.